So recently I found myself standing in the last place on earth I ever want to be..
A car dealership..
As I stood there looking at the sea of cars all lined up like high priced prostitutes.
I immediately turned to my husband and let him know that I’ll just call a cab to get me where I need to go. I really don’t need a new car.
This earned me a ghetto eye-roll and a head shake as he walked by heading inside to find the devil to show us some cars. The devil wasn’t available but his beady eyed minion came out to greet us and informed me quickly of all the great deals that were available that day.
Yea ok whatever..
What this man doesn’t know, is that I’ve been on the internet searching for a car for 2 months..
There is a reason why I’m at this stupid place to begin with.. The car I want.. the car that I’m getting.. the car that I am willing to sign my soul to Lucifer at the Wells Fargo loan office for..is at this car lot.
It’s my husband that suggests I look at other cars to be sure.
I’m not sure.. I’ll never be sure
The only thing I’m sure about is the fact that no one..I mean no one should sign away their life to 48, 60, 72, 10,346,6458 months of car payments.
I mean what if I get hit by a bus tomorrow.. will I have to still send in my check from the other side?
So the sales guy.. let’s say his name was Jim..
Because his name was Jim..
Ask me what I would like most in a car..
As I go down my list of requirements, I don’t hesitate to describe my ideal vehicle.
It resembles a George Jetson like prototype that would be fuel efficient as well as allow me to fly over traffic.
While simultaneously giving the finger to all the people below who have cut me off at some point in time during my morning and afternoon commutes.
At first the guy just stares at me.. My husband is used to my ridiculousness so he just sits there.
After about 5 mins of silence he tells me he doesn’t think they have anything quite like that.
But would love to show me what they do have.
I let him know it’s not necessary and show him a picture of the car that I’m there for.
We go through the spill of other options and better deals and blah blah blah..
Then my husband interrupts..
“We’re looking for a car that we can give to our daughter in 3 years and it still be some what new..we think this would be the best fit”
H: “WTF what.. ?”
Me: “You didn’t have to tell him that”
H: “What..that we have a daughter? “
Me: “No.. that I’m old enough to have one that will be 16 in 3 years. “
H: “You’re old enough to have a daughter that is 16 right now”.
Jim clears his throat and suggest we go take a look at some cars..
After what feels like forever I drive off the lot in the car that I came for..
The Devil himself sits in the passenger seat all cozy and smiling.. he turns to me and lets me know…
“I’ve got your ass for 48 months boo”
Guess who needs a drink…
*Side note- I cut a major corner here and used store bought caramel sauce, because at the time of consumption I was also drowning my 48 month car note sorrows in a big bowl of caramel drowning ice cream. Please feel free to use some homemade caramel goodness here*
*Side note to the side note- Drinking Vodka while eating Ice Cream with Caramel drowned on top is a very bad idea*
Makes 1 cocktail
1 ½ oz Pear Infused Vodka- Grey Goose La Poire
1 ½ oz St. Germain
1 tablespoon caramel sauce
Prosecco or other sparkling wine
Pour Vodka, St. Germain and caramel in a cocktail shaker filled with ice. Shake vigorously. Strain into martini glass. Splash some Prosecco on top and garnish with pear slice.